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Dear Paji,

 

Fate has been so unfair to me lately.  I know, I know.  I can’t help but open this letter with that so brace yourself, you up for another serving of rants from me.

 

Almost two weeks ago when Deo, the officemate I’ve been telling you a lot lately, announced his resignation.  It shocked the hell out of me.  I didn’t know that he was brewing something behind my back.  It made me cry but I had to hold it in.  You know how hard it is for me to keep emotions bottling inside and resisting the urge to go berserk.  But I managed.  I hated him.  I envied him.  I was happy for him.  All these things going on at the same time.

 

Initially, it was anger that cruised throughout my head when he told me of his forthcoming resignation.  How could he have kept me in the dark when as early as June he had the contract?  I felt so betrayed.  Forsaken.  Left out.  I was very open with my plans and the applications I have.  I thought we’ll be leaving the firm together or at least he would give me a head run to get out before hell broke lose.

 

Now, I’m caught in between the succeeding resignations of my bosses and left with an overwhelming responsibility to carry on with the practice being the only senior staff on board.  I see how this wonderful opportunity will do to my career but what’s the use when the people you love working with are no longer around.  How will office life be now when the people who for the passed four years have redefined the work place into a playground are leaving?

 

I’m so envious of Deo and the guys who have moved on from our practice.  I’m haunted with the vision of them lurking abroad, further advancing in their career, making much more money than I am.  

 

I felt damned.  I’m sorry I can’t help it.  I wanted some time off to collect myself and re-aligned myself with the situation.

 

God knows I will surely miss Deo, as much as I misses you.  After you left for US, I grew even closer to him.  More than I needed an outlet, I guessed it was the time we spent with each other that led our relationship to evolve from mere officemates to friends.  I realized just now that I spent ridiculously huge chunk of my waking hours with him compared to say mum and Aye.  Imagine nine of 15 hours of my waking time, five days a week for the last four years.  You know I restrain myself from getting chessy and stuff.  I don’t think I can tell him these things.  It’s too gay even for us. 

 

I only pray for the day to come when I’ll be leaving the firm.  That’s all that I can do now actually – pray.  So not me, right?

 

Je